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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479749">Secret</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castlewood_Bard/pseuds/Castlewood_Bard'>Castlewood_Bard</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, M/M, Merlin AU, Pining, secret</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:14:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479749</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castlewood_Bard/pseuds/Castlewood_Bard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur has a secret, and Merlin needs to know what it is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>162</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Secret</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaJones/gifts">ViolaJones</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Your Highness.”</p>
<p>“Have you ever had.. a secret?”</p>
<p>“Definitely not.”</p>
<p>Merlin was by the fireplace, scrubbing Arther’s shoes, so the prince didn’t see the eye roll, but he heard the tone.</p>
<p>“Come on, I’m being serious.”</p>
<p>“Okay, yes. Obviously I’ve had secrets.” Now Merlin’s heart raced, and his stomach knotted. Arthur had been asking weird questions lately. It was starting to make Merlin nervous. “Are you alright, Arthur.”</p>
<p>“Yes!...No.”</p>
<p>“Would you like to tell me?”</p>
<p>“I can’t.”</p>
<p>“Why not.”</p>
<p>Arthur sighed. “Have your secrets ever been so big that if you ever told anybody it could do far more harm than good?”</p>
<p>“You have no idea.”</p>
<p>Arthur huffed. “Yeah, right.”</p>
<p>“What’s on your mind, Arthur.” Merlin finally turned to look at him. To his surprise Arthur wasn’t looking off into the distance, he was looking right at him. Merlin quickly turned back around. It made him feel vulnerable, but not in a bad way.</p>
<p>Merlin had gone to the pub with a few knights. Never anything serious and definitely never anything that lasted. He’d just never felt a spark. But it meant he knew what pining looked like. “Alright, who is it?”</p>
<p>Arthur looked surprised that Merlin had figured it out so quickly, but he gave a small shrug and answered, “It’s just.. a person my father would never accept. I like hi..<em>them</em> a lot and I never even meant to.”</p>
<p>“Ah, well they say love conquers every heart in the end, even your hardened one, I guess.” Merlin chuckled, but now his heart was racing for a different reason. He couldn’t deny that he had thought about Arthur. He was by his side constantly. You can only watch a guy every morning for so long before starting to  notice a few things, but he knew Arthur would never return those feelings. Definitely not. No way. Still, Merlin stole one more glance at Arthur. He was watching Merlin, and his expression hadn’t changed. It was almost dreamy.</p>
<p>“Who is it Arthur?”</p>
<p>“No one.”</p>
<p>“Whooo?”</p>
<p>“No one!”</p>
<p>“Who? A servant??”</p>
<p>“NO ONE, Merlin!” Now it was Arthur’s turn to look away.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Merlin whispered. He didn’t want to anger Arthur further.</p>
<p>A beat.</p>
<p>“No I am. I brought it up and… It’s just, I know Camelot is open minded enough, but my father isn’t.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>Another beat.</p>
<p>“What’s your secret?”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Well, you said you knew what it was like to have a big secret, so what’s yours?” It almost sounded as if Arthur was pleading with Merlin to have a bigger secret. To help Arthur voice his...</p>
<p>“Well,” Merlin had to be careful. He didn’t want to scare Arthur off, but he had to make it plausible. “I came from a small village. They were not as progressive as Camelot. I couldn’t tell my first crush that I liked him because he was a stable boy."</p>
<p>“Ah.” At the word ‘boy’ Arthur seemed to perk up a bit.</p>
<p>“I mean I told my mother eventually, but it ate me up for awhile.”</p>
<p>“I understand that.”</p>
<p>“Does that help your problem at all?’”</p>
<p>“Not in the slightest. Wait, how did you tell her? Your mother.”</p>
<p>Merlin thought for a minute.“I just took a deep breath, when I felt ready, and told her. She’d had her suspicions for a while, but I think it helped her, and me, to finally hear it said out loud."</p>
<p>“Well that, I mean, that does make sense.” Arthur shifted, and something changed in his expression. “Yes.”</p>
<p>Merlin looked at him blankly.</p>
<p>“You asked if it was a servant? Yes, the answer is... yes.”</p>
<p>Merlin could almost feel the rest of the sentence bubbling up in Arthur’s throat, but he didn’t want to scare him back into his shell. He knew Arthur needed to get something off his chest, he just needed time. There was another silence, this one longer. A cloud passed over it over Arthur's face.“Why does my father have to be so bull headed? I mean, he knows Camelot is changing all around him, but he can’t accept it!.”</p>
<p>Arthur hit his palm on the chair and scowled. Merlin hated that Uther had such a strong grip on him. He knew Arthur wanted to change things, a lot of things, but felt powerless in the face of the king. Merlin knew the feeling all too well.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong, Arthur?” Merlin said it more to himself than anyone, but Arthur heard it loud and clear.</p>
<p>Arthur threw him a glance. The concern in Merlin’s voice was all he needed, and the dam burst. “I’m in love! I’m in love and I couldn’t stop it! I don’t know why and..and it’s you!” The last words came out as a cry.</p>
<p>He hadn’t meant to say them, had never meant to say them, yet there they were, hanging in the air. As soon as the words left his mouth, Arthur froze. He turned his head and wouldn’t look at Merlin.</p>
<p>“Arthur, I-,”</p>
<p>“Don’t say anything Merlin. It was a mistake. Forget it.” It was a demand.</p>
<p>Arthur’s voice had been desperate a minute ago, but now it turned cold and hard. Merlin could see a tear catch on his cheek. He knew what it felt like to have a secret revealed, to not be able to take it back. Silence again.</p>
<p>“Do you want me to stay?” Merlin didn’t dare look at Arthur. He stared straight into the fire.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“Do you want me to leave?”</p>
<p>“...No.” Here a quiver escaped Arthur’s lips. “I don’t know what I want.”</p>
<p>The silence once again. After another moment, Merlin got up the courage to peek at Arthur. When he did, he didn’t see a prince or a future king, he just saw someone who was scared. There was curiosity too, though, building behind Arthur’s eyes. Arthur caught him staring, and his face fell. He looked lost. “What, em, what do I do? Now, I mean.”</p>
<p>“I really don’t know.”</p>
<p>Arthur looked at him sharply, but didn’t say anything. He had run out of words.</p>
<p>“But I know what <em>I’m</em> going to do.” Courage had slowly been building in Merlin’s chest, and now it took over his whole body. He stood up slowly and crossed the room. Arthur's blue eyes stared at him. Stopping at Arthur’s chair, Merlin took the prince's hand. He could feel Arthur tense for just a moment and then relax. Merlin looked down at him, but Arthur stared straight ahead. This was the longest pause of all. Finally Arthur looked up. He was the most afraid Merlin had ever seen him, and yet.. there was still a tiny gleam, an inkling, of curiosity.</p>
<p>They stayed there for a moment like that, then Arthur asked, “What now?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who’s done this before, Merlin.” Arthur was starting to sound more like himself every minute.</p>
<p>“The farthest I’ve ever gotten is the tavern. After that we just part ways. I really don’t know!”</p>
<p>“Well if you’ve ever wanted it to go <em>passed</em> the tavern where have you imagined it?”</p>
<p>“You want my honest answer?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Arthur had turned away from him again.</p>
<p>Merlin let out a small huff. “Fine. I always thought a kiss would be nice.”</p>
<p>As soon as he said it, he felt stupid. Arthur would never do that. He wasn’t like that. He was stoic. He was brave. He was calculated. He- interrupted any more of Merlin’s thoughts by giving him a peck on the cheek. Merlin pulled away out of pure surprise, and Arthur’s face dropped.</p>
<p>“Sorry, sorry, I just, I thought, when you said- I wanted to try.” A blush spread across his face. Arthur looked like he was going to try to explain further, but now it was Merlin’s turn to interrupt. He kissed Arthur back, this time on the lips. A shiver ran through both of them, and neither had any idea how long they stayed like that. Merlin had to pull away first, just to catch a breath.</p>
<p>Arthur’s head fell lightly onto Merlin’s collarbone as he muttered, “It’s never been like that before. It was…”</p>
<p>All Merlin could do was nod. Arthur was right. It hadn’t ever been like that. There had been other kisses with other people, but nothing like this. Every nerve felt alive with electricity. They stood there for another minute, Arthur resting his head on Merlin, and Merlin gazing at Arthur. As much as he wanted to stay like that forever, Merlin had to break away.</p>
<p>“You have to get up early, remember, meeting with the soldiers,” he murmured in Arthur’s hair. He was still a little breathless from the kiss.</p>
<p>Arthur hesitated then pulled away. He sat down on the side of the bed. Now it was his back facing Merlin.</p>
<p>“I should probably leave now, if that’s, erm, all. We can talk more tomorrow if you like.” Every word went against what his heart said, but he wanted to give Arthur space. If that was what he needed.</p>
<p>Just as he was reaching for the door, Arthur turned to him. “Wait! Um, would you like to stay-here- for just a minute? With me.”</p>
<p>Merlin couldn’t have hidden his smile if he tried.</p>
<p>At first, he just sat on the edge, but as his eyes got heavier, so did his head. Soon he was lying with his back to Arthur. He counted the breaths, and when he thought Arthur’s breathing had evened out he rolled onto his other side and scooted closer to the prince. Arthur opened one eye just a bit, smiled, and let himself fall into the deepest sleep of his life. They were a perfect fit.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are greatly appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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